The Great Thaw (or Oh Yeah, Love is a Choice)

It’s twelve days into the new year, and my resolution to love people better so far has been a big fat flop.

From the outside, I am almost certain my relationships still look like giant, frozen popsicle-trees on the landscape of my life.

Bizarre and unmoving.

And I’d be lying if I said I didn’t know how my insides get so taut, how I turn into a rubber band drawn all the way out until I run out of stretch.

I know.

There are several nuances, but generally, it’s always a combination of poor self-care and unmet expectations. Lack of sleep is also a factor. Always.

I know what causes it, how to prevent it and even how to fix it, and yet, here I am again. All wound up, locked down, and iced over.

But on the inside, I am feeling the thaw.

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Family, Creating a Place to Belong

Where do I belong?

I see it in my kids’ eyes when they look at me when we reunite after a weekend with their dads. It’s a quiet searching, a longing, an uncertainty reaching out for reassurance. It’s a question:

Where do I belong? Do I belong with you?

And I see it in their actions. As soon as we get home, they check their rooms, “Can I go see my room?” They flit around the house perching briefly here and there, noticing little changes, arranging and visiting their things before they “settle.”

Did anything change? Is it all how I left it?
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